Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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