i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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