I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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