Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
