i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
