So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you didnt know i had herpes?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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