just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
