Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
