Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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