I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
