I faked an abortion last night.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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