Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize