Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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