he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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