Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
