Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
