All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
