There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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