I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
