I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
