Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
