The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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