Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
