I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
