I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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