sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
