I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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