did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
