the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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