How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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