I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
