Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
