I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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