What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
