so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
