Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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