saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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