i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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