do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
