make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
