Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
