I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
