Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
