I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
