well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
