I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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