Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
