When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize