Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize