lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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