i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My balls are so social today.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My penis needs a shock collar
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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