a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
