I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
