maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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