You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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