hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Quick, to the slutcave!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
