You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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