Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
