Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she told me i tasted like america
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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