never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
