My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
