We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
