just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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