i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize