dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
