I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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