Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Do vagina's smell?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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