Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
